Chapel Testimony (Fall 2002)
Over the next couple weeks I'm going to post a few things I've written in the past. I want them on-record, so to speak. This first is a copy of what I said in chapel just over three years ago.
Hi, I’m Kevin Radman. (That, by the way, is an introduction no rhetoric class can enable you to give!) I was first scheduled to give a testimony in the middle of September, but the date was pushed back several times. I thank God it has, because this morning I’m going to share with you something I wouldn’t have been able to say two months ago.
I try so hard to be good—I really do. It means everything to me. It has for a long time. I used to tell my friends that my circumstances didn’t effect me; it didn’t matter if my car broke down or I spilled a bucket of paint at work, what mattered to me was whether I walked with God. My happiness was not dependent upon my surroundings, my joy and satisfaction with life hinged on my service to God. I thanked God for this, I saw it as a good thing; I was proud of it.
But you know, for as much as I wanted to be good, I wasn’t. Because I wasn’t, I was often discouraged, unhappy, disappointed with myself. I used to sit in my car with a friend and tell him, “Elijah, I’m miserable!” “I’m the world’s most hypocritical Christian!”
I’ve been tired, but it’s not just because I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I’ve been frustrated and discouraged, but it’s not merely because of my grade on that last Latin exam. I have no joy. I’m not the only one who’s been there. Many of you are in the same place, and you’re not happy either.
Most of you know what it is to bang your head against Latin. How many of you also know what it’s like to sit down and bang your head against your Bible? I do. Trying to do devotions. Trying to read the Bible. Trying to pray. Trying to worship God in chapel. Trying to stay awake in church. Trying not to be as lazy as I was yesterday. I felt dead spiritually.
Four or five weeks ago, I gave Zach Martin a ride to my church in Leesburg. On the way there I confessed I had not been consistent in my devotions, I lacked motivation in my school work, I was tired and frustrated and distracted and unhappy. After the service, I was even more desperate: “Zach, what’s wrong with me? I got enough sleep last night, I sat in the front, I breathed deeply, took notes, and exercised different muscle groups to increase my heart-rate. I pinched myself, I propped my chin up with one hand and my eyes open with the other… and I didn’t hear a word the pastor said! I prayed that God would keep me awake, I asked Him to soften my heart and to cause the message to grab me and impress itself on my heart; that was my one goal in coming to church, and I failed.”
You know what he said? He looked at me, and he said, “Kevin, God loves you.” I knew that; of course God loves me, He loves everyone! But then I began to understand. I had been saying, “I try so hard to be good—and I’m not—and I have no joy.” God says, “I love you. You don’t have to be good. I know you’re bad. I’ve known from the start that you would be, and I’ve already forgiven you.”
Please listen as I read from Romans, chapter five, beginning in verse one:
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Did you catch that? Let me read it again, in fewer words: “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God… and rejoice!” Did you know that God doesn’t want you to be miserable? Let’s keep reading:
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
“We glory in tribulations [and have hope] because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts.” Let’s keep going:
For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more then, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, though whom we have now received the reconciliation.
God knew everything bad I would ever do before He forgave me, but He did it anyway. I cannot sin so grievously that He would regret saving me. We sing about amazing love and amazing grace. They’re not amazing until you understand that you don’t deserve them.
Instead of thinking that you need to read through the entire Bible each year, and fourteen devotional classics in the same period, delight yourself in God. That’s all He asks from us. As John Piper puts it, “don’t be good, be God’s.”
I’ll end with this: I used to get discouraged when I went to Sunday night worship here in town hall. Everyone else is having a miraculous encounter with the Almighty. Their hands are in the air---just look at their enraptured faces—they talk between the verses—“Yes, Lord, amen.” “You are holy, Lord…” Eve’s crying. I want to do that, but I don’t feel anything. I wanted to worship God like they worship God. But I just stand there with my arms dangling at my side. They’re Presbyterian. They won’t come above my belt – they don’t know how to dance! But you see, I don’t have to do these things to please God. God is pleased with me because of the blood and righteousness of His Son.
Do you remember that I said my satisfaction and fulfillment in life depended on my “walk with God?” They didn’t. They depended on a list of ideals in my mind that I thought I had to live up to. My whole life has been an emotional roller coaster based on my spiritual performance. God says, “Be still and know that I am God. Relax. Just enjoy the fact that I love you.”
Do you know why Torrey is always smiling? This just dawned on me this morning as I walked in. Do you know why Torrey is always smiling? Because someone told him that God loved him, and he believed it!
The Bible says, “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it.” “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”
Let’s pray…
Hi, I’m Kevin Radman. (That, by the way, is an introduction no rhetoric class can enable you to give!) I was first scheduled to give a testimony in the middle of September, but the date was pushed back several times. I thank God it has, because this morning I’m going to share with you something I wouldn’t have been able to say two months ago.
I try so hard to be good—I really do. It means everything to me. It has for a long time. I used to tell my friends that my circumstances didn’t effect me; it didn’t matter if my car broke down or I spilled a bucket of paint at work, what mattered to me was whether I walked with God. My happiness was not dependent upon my surroundings, my joy and satisfaction with life hinged on my service to God. I thanked God for this, I saw it as a good thing; I was proud of it.
But you know, for as much as I wanted to be good, I wasn’t. Because I wasn’t, I was often discouraged, unhappy, disappointed with myself. I used to sit in my car with a friend and tell him, “Elijah, I’m miserable!” “I’m the world’s most hypocritical Christian!”
I’ve been tired, but it’s not just because I haven’t been getting enough sleep. I’ve been frustrated and discouraged, but it’s not merely because of my grade on that last Latin exam. I have no joy. I’m not the only one who’s been there. Many of you are in the same place, and you’re not happy either.
Most of you know what it is to bang your head against Latin. How many of you also know what it’s like to sit down and bang your head against your Bible? I do. Trying to do devotions. Trying to read the Bible. Trying to pray. Trying to worship God in chapel. Trying to stay awake in church. Trying not to be as lazy as I was yesterday. I felt dead spiritually.
Four or five weeks ago, I gave Zach Martin a ride to my church in Leesburg. On the way there I confessed I had not been consistent in my devotions, I lacked motivation in my school work, I was tired and frustrated and distracted and unhappy. After the service, I was even more desperate: “Zach, what’s wrong with me? I got enough sleep last night, I sat in the front, I breathed deeply, took notes, and exercised different muscle groups to increase my heart-rate. I pinched myself, I propped my chin up with one hand and my eyes open with the other… and I didn’t hear a word the pastor said! I prayed that God would keep me awake, I asked Him to soften my heart and to cause the message to grab me and impress itself on my heart; that was my one goal in coming to church, and I failed.”
You know what he said? He looked at me, and he said, “Kevin, God loves you.” I knew that; of course God loves me, He loves everyone! But then I began to understand. I had been saying, “I try so hard to be good—and I’m not—and I have no joy.” God says, “I love you. You don’t have to be good. I know you’re bad. I’ve known from the start that you would be, and I’ve already forgiven you.”
Please listen as I read from Romans, chapter five, beginning in verse one:
Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
Did you catch that? Let me read it again, in fewer words: “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God… and rejoice!” Did you know that God doesn’t want you to be miserable? Let’s keep reading:
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
“We glory in tribulations [and have hope] because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts.” Let’s keep going:
For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more then, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, though whom we have now received the reconciliation.
God knew everything bad I would ever do before He forgave me, but He did it anyway. I cannot sin so grievously that He would regret saving me. We sing about amazing love and amazing grace. They’re not amazing until you understand that you don’t deserve them.
Instead of thinking that you need to read through the entire Bible each year, and fourteen devotional classics in the same period, delight yourself in God. That’s all He asks from us. As John Piper puts it, “don’t be good, be God’s.”
I’ll end with this: I used to get discouraged when I went to Sunday night worship here in town hall. Everyone else is having a miraculous encounter with the Almighty. Their hands are in the air---just look at their enraptured faces—they talk between the verses—“Yes, Lord, amen.” “You are holy, Lord…” Eve’s crying. I want to do that, but I don’t feel anything. I wanted to worship God like they worship God. But I just stand there with my arms dangling at my side. They’re Presbyterian. They won’t come above my belt – they don’t know how to dance! But you see, I don’t have to do these things to please God. God is pleased with me because of the blood and righteousness of His Son.
Do you remember that I said my satisfaction and fulfillment in life depended on my “walk with God?” They didn’t. They depended on a list of ideals in my mind that I thought I had to live up to. My whole life has been an emotional roller coaster based on my spiritual performance. God says, “Be still and know that I am God. Relax. Just enjoy the fact that I love you.”
Do you know why Torrey is always smiling? This just dawned on me this morning as I walked in. Do you know why Torrey is always smiling? Because someone told him that God loved him, and he believed it!
The Bible says, “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it.” “Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.”
Let’s pray…
posted by Motokeb at 5:14 PM
2 Comments:
I remember people commenting on how much they liked your chapel testimony. Glad you posted it here so I could read why they like it and also to be reminded that God loves me and also how great Torrey's smile is!
Semper fi, Marine.
Like Brianna... that's all I remembered from when you gave it. I probably needed to hear it then, I definitely needed to hear it now. It helped.
Thanks.
- josh G.
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